Wednesday, November 6, 2013

What do you do when your characters won’t get naked?

Kissing and canoodling is fine, but that naked stuff just doesn’t work for my characters. I attribute their modesty to my Catholic school roots. Once again, the nuns take the blame. 

Since a part of every author is embedded in their characters, I’m also afraid if I start to blather about my/their experiences, I might regret it in the morning. Note the use of the word “experiences” instead of “shagging,” which is a perfectly acceptable word for… well you know… doing IT.

Each time I approach what could be a sexy scene a villain or an ex-lover arrives, and Bingo! there goes the hot love passage. I have thought of trying my hand at a sexy book under a pen name, but the closest I’ve come is to have one of my characters from CAIRO CAPER attempt to write a how-to book on sex. Fiona Feelgood, a 40-year-old virgin librarian is trudging through Egypt looking for material for her sensual advice book, EROTICA FOR DUMMIES. In her sweet misguided way she has decided that Cleopatra wrote the Kama Sutra.

Ta Da!   I did it!  

Wendy Darlin and Roger Jolley finally get naked in my latest Romantic Suspense novel, CAIRO CAPER. Their bare butts draw a Russian mobster, a gun, and an ashtray knockout-killing.

Hot, romantic scene: Wendy and Roger are on an ancient boat on the Nile in search of Cleopatra’s tomb. Wendy is speaking:

“Be right back,” I slipped into the bathroom and used the pump-it toilet. By the time I came out Roger had removed the tray and was lying on the bed looking like a centerfold in Playgirl. I shed my towel and jumped into bed.

Lover boy pinned me with his hard body. He tenderly pushed my hair back and looked deep into my eyes. I hoped I’d be able to hold down the racket I usually made. I wasn’t sure how thin the walls were. Providing personal material for Fiona’s Erotica for Dummies was not on my to-do list.

“Let’s take this out on the balcony,” I said.

“Sound travels over water.” He put his tongue in my ear. 

I giggled, pulled away, and rolled on top of him. I glued my mouth on his. He nodded and accidentally banged his teeth against my upper lip.

 We made sweet, silent love until moonlight rippled off the Nile and illuminated the balcony.
I dozed briefly and woke to find Roger, still naked, quietly pacing in the dark between the bed and the wide-open balcony doors. Occasionally a moonbeam would highlight his body. The hung and the restless. He stopped pacing and cocked his head. I started to speak but he waved me off with a finger to his lips.

A voice carried in from the upper deck. Whoever was up there spoke Russian. Then silence.
I felt naked for two reasons. First, I was. Second, I was unarmed. I pulled the sheets up to my chest and shivered despite the heat. I groped around on the nightstand for the marble ashtray till I felt it’s cool surface. I exhaled softly. Now I was only naked- naked.

With a light thump someone landed outside the doorway. 

Roger assumed an Inspector Clouseau-like karate stance that gave me absolutely no confidence. This wasn’t the set of The Pink Panther. I tightened my grip on the ashtray.

A tall figure slipped into the room. The person was backlit so I couldn’t tell much about him except that he had broad shoulders and was half a head taller than my bedmate.

“Key-yah!” Roger yelled as he jumped the prowler and took him down. They were tied in the cursing department with an equal number of Russian and English epithets coming out of the cartoon-like tangle of arms and legs rolling around. Roger would be on top for a second, then the Russian. I hesitated. I could bop Roger as easily as the intruder. The Russian yelped when he missed Roger’s head and slammed his fist into the floor.

This is why my characters don’t want to get naked. Mobster drop-ins.

Barbara Silkstone
Barbara Silkstone is the best-selling author of the Wendy Darlin Tomb Raider series that includes: Wendy and the Lost Boys, London Broil, Cairo Caper, Wendy Darlin Tomb Raider Boxed Set. Her Criminally Funny Fables series includes: The Secret Diary of Alice in Wonderland, Age 42 and Three-Quarters; Wendy and the Lost Boys; Zo White and the Seven Morphs; Cold Case Morphs.

Silkstone’s writing has been described as “perfectly paced and pitched – shades of Janet Evanovich and Carl Hiaasen – without seeming remotely derivative. Fast moving action that shoots from the hip with bullet-proof characterization.”





Barbara Silkstone’s Amazon Author’s page

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YouTube links for video:
Wendy and the Lost Boys

London Broil

Cairo Caper

Universal links for all Amazon sites: US, UK, CA, etc.:
Until last year I was a full-time real estate agent for Miami Beach millionaires

Cairo Caper

Wendy Darlin Tomb Raider Boxed Set


  1. Love this post! I smiled several times thinking of a 40-year-old virgin librarian writing Erotica for Dummies and when I read this line: "Their bare butts draw a Russian mobster, a gun, and an ashtray knockout-killing." Now that is entertainment!!! ;) Cairo Caper is on my TBR now!

  2. Loved Cairo Caper, and loved hearing your thoughts on sexy scenes (or the modest leaving out thereof :)

  3. Thank you for all your wonderful comments! It was lovely being here… with all my clothes on.